Monday, May 26, 2014

WHY THE GENDER BIAS IN ADULTERY?

  

Somehow or the other, one half of a couple strays and has an affair. When caught, the usual words of defence are "It didn't mean anything." Two results, either the wounded party either ends the marriage due to breach of trust or all if forgiven (usually with a certain amount of difficulty and it's more about forgiving than actually forgetting because during a likely future argument, it's bound to be used to rub the cheater's face ) or filing for a divorce. 
In this country when a man gets caught having an affair, there would be a buzz but he wouldn't exactly be condemned, oh no. The woman would turn a blind eye because she doesn't want to start over or a family meeting will be held... where she would be persuaded and advised to give her husband another chance. After all, men are men and the children must not suffer from a broken home. Then how come a woman is caught cheating, she is condemned and called everything from a harlot to a slut? Why is she more of the sinner, more than the men? Adultery is Adultery and no matter the gender; the person has done a bad thing. 
I’m not going to go into the reasons why there are cheating husbands and cheating wives, it’s the way society handles it that bothers me. Society is more judgemental towards the woman than the guy, like it’s the husband’s privilege to have a mistress but more than ready to stone the woman with insults. Like I said earlier, the guys always get away with what they do, even after they get caught. In most cases, after the mistress winds up pregnant, the family intervenes and the wronged woman is presented with her ‘junior wife. In other cases, if a guy happens to bang someone else’s wife, the wife protects him rather than tell on him because for sure her husband will get a real beating from the man he made a cuckold and it’s more about preventing her children from being fatherless than actual loyalty from him. It’s not like he deserves it anyway.
But a cheating wife is made a pariah. She’s a prostitute, a harlot and a slut. She’s prosecuted by the family and sent packing and for a very long time, she’s publicly gossiped about, more than a cheating husband. She is not protected nor shown any loyalty, she would probably be cursed.
Most countries are male dominated, like Nigeria. When it comes to something like adultery, the men are well protected because... well, because they are men after all. Women are not because they are the second class gender, they are expected to be the epitome of virtue and patience and being otherwise reduces them to be lower than the dust. A cheating husband should get as much judgement like a cheating wife would and his act not to be taken lightly and he should not be allowed to get away with it. If society would condemn a cheating wife, then the cheating husband should be treated that way. While cheating wives are called names like 'tramp', 'slut' or 'ashewo', what are the cheating husbands usually called... 'dogs'? Ironically, it sounds more like a compliment than an actual insult.
Seriously, am I the only one who thinks than when it comes to marital cheating, the guy gets off lightly? 

11 comments:

  1. Adultery is a sin against GOD. If you are tired of your marriage U can quit

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  2. Jennifer Ayanru Ogedegbe26 May 2014 at 18:19

    Did you say they are called dogs....that must be a new one. I know so I won't say think....our society or not to be ambiguous I would say most families take time to educate their female children on the values of marriage that ......it is not a bed of roses. Why would I want to sleep on a bed of thorns Lol. And we ( females) are always advised that men are polygamous by nature. Our society never frowns at a cheating husband because even before they get married, they have a selection of girls at their disposal and the one chosen for marriage feels honoured. In some culture ( I know binis still do it), women are made to swear before a shrine that they would remain faithful to their husband while the man is not subjected to the oath taking.

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  3. Jennifer whenever I am returning from my morning salat I always see this cork and group of hen and their chicks.
    The hen singular responsibility is to mate with all the hens and I wonder what a life and what a strength.
    On the same street I often see a group of women their children firmly at their back and I wonder what a closeness.
    I often ask why is it only female that can get pregnant and give birth. I envy them a lot.
    There are some things that nature have endowed each sex.
    Society frowns at illegitimate children and it is only women who knew who climbed them.
    If I am not satisfied with my marriage I will rather quit.

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  4. Jennifer Ayanru Ogedegbe26 May 2014 at 18:21

    I agree with you sir @ Adelani Adams that if someone is not satisfied with their marriage then they should quit but how many women really have the nerve to quit?? and it is beautiful how you take time to observe how humans and animals contribute to the continuity of the circle of life. I don't think our culture really tag some children as illegitimate because If our society doesn't frown at men having more than one wife and having extramarital affairs, then there is bound to be loads of children outside of wedlock

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  5. Children out of wedlock are not illegitimate but children that belong to one man being given to another man
    Pls dont call me sir. It makes me old and irrelevant

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  6. Haba Uncle Thank you and Jennifer Ayanru Ogedegbe for the comments but the real question I'm asking is why men's adultery just seems to a matter of fact issue but a very huge issue if a woman commits it

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  7. Jennifer Ayanru Ogedegbe26 May 2014 at 18:26

    Oh I thought children born out of wedlock were usually referred to as illegitimate. Thanks for the correction. I didn't mean to make you feel old and irrelevant by addressing you as sir...I was just being courteous Lol

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  8. Because women can get pregnant and men cant. How will a person feel if after 30 yrs ones mother call a person and says. I am sorry this you call dad is not really ones dad but another man is.

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  9. Jennifer Ayanru Ogedegbe26 May 2014 at 19:58

    I think we are digressing from the main issue on ground and that is the question asked by Amina .....why is adultery not an issue with our men but a major catastrophe when committed by women.

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  10. How many women if get pregnant through adultery will not give them to their husband.
    In marriage who pays dowry.
    Let her tell us why she thinks the society feels that way.
    It is a free world she can do what she likes.

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  11. Jennifer Ayanru Ogedegbe26 May 2014 at 20:19

    Adultery whether committed by man or woman is an abominable act. It is an abomination for a woman to commit adultery in the first place and unpardonable for her to then plant her illegitimate child on her husband. Although men bring children born out of wedlock home because they cannot conceal their adulterous act. I am sure if men could conceive, women would also be saddled with caring for children that didn't belong to her family. God deliver us from evil

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