QUIZZES

I've tried out quizzes like these; some of them actually tell me what I already know about myself; others really startled. Do personality quizzes really tell the truth about the self? Try them out and see!

FORGIVENESS; WHAT ABOUT FORGETTING?

To err is human; to forgive divine...

A much quoted sentence by millions. We are human; we make mistakes, we sin, we hurt others- deliberately and unknowingly. And when the remorse kicks in, we seek forgiveness. Some sins are hard to forgive, the wounds inflicted too close to the bone that the act of forgiveness is very hard or impossible. Still forgiveness is a pathway to closure and healing and it is widely preached that if God can forgive us; why can't we do the same among ourselves? 

But forgiveness is one thing... what about forgetting? "Forgive and Forget"- does they actually go together or two separate actions because the way I see it, forgetting is harder than forgiveness itself. And if one is unable to forget... is the certain act of forgiveness real? 

I think it depends on the wrong doing/sin/mistake/betrayal committed or the gravity of the wrong act/sin itself. Some wounds, like I said early, run too deep and close to the bone, some sins and wrong acts too hard to forgive and get past. But even if forgiveness is possible in cases like that; forgetting would be near to impossible.

Another case would be the relationship between the wrong doer and the victim. In African culture, it's almost unheard off for parents to apologise to their children for acts of verbal and physical abuse and for the children to hold grudges- that is  seen as an act of disrespect and they are expected to 'automatically' forgive their parents and move on. But it's not likely they will forget, because when they become adults and parents themselves; they wouldn't want to inflict what they went through on their own kids. 

And there the case of a sibling backstabbing a sibling, a friend backstabbing a friend, or a spouse betraying a spouse. A wrong act or betrayal  from someone close to you is the worst type of hurt because usually it's not foreseen or expected. How easy is it to forgive in this case? It would be hard but gradually out of love and if there is a genuine show of remorse from the guilty party, forgiveness is easy. But there would come a time when there would be a fight and the old wound would resurface when the victim throws the past wrong action at the wrong doer's face. So NO... in most cases, Forgiveness and Forgetting do not go together. However at the same time, forgetting is necessary. NOT forgetting festers old wounds and eat into the soul and causes lasting bitterness and resentment.

 The victim will always remember, hence unable to really heal. A person who is able to both forgive and forget does so merely to be able to completely  remove all wounds from the heart in order to live life to the fullness, with the knowledge he or she did the right thing. 

OPPOSITES ATTRACT: DOES IT REALLY WORK?

courtesy of commons.wikimedia.org

The most popular belief when it comes to romantic parings- based on the Ying and Yang principle- that two people can be the complete opposite of each other yet compliment each other and be one. This has been depicted a lot in media; best example is the sitcom Dharma & Greg about a couple who got married on their first date.

courtesy of anglerz.com

Dharma is a yoga instructor, the daughter of hippies and a liberal free spirit while Greg is a U.S attorney, the only son of a rich (and rather uptight) couple and more cautious in attitude  but at times Dharma's funny antics rub off him enough to be her sidekick but most times he was the 'straight man' of the duo. They had  different beliefs and a lot of differences in opinion and point of view but yet remain very much in love and happy with each other.
 What happened to the notion a couple has to have a lot in common for the the relationship to work out and last forever, does being totally different actually better than being the same in the real world?
Can two extroverts be a couple? They would always try to  outdo the other with talking. Can two introverts be a couple? What sort of relationship would that be, two socially awkward people living in the same house; that can't work. What about a hot tempered husband and an equally hot tempered wife- either both would be strong enough to stand up to each other during an argument or end up killing each other- it would be like having two elephants under the same roof. 
So, maybe two opposites make the better couple. A strong manly guy with a temper could be with a quiet lady who could keep him in order with soft words that calm him down and offer her advice he would take in good part rather than from someone more bossy. An extrovert wife could be a good influence on an introvert husband as her jolliness and zest for life is just what he would need enabling him to shed off some of the shyness and be more like her; or the introvert husband could be a good influence and source of calm and comfort for the extrovert wife by simply providing her with his gentle strength.  
I've seen my share of couples who are opposites and to my surprise they have wonderful long lasting relationships. I believe most people would prefer to chose a mate that aren't exactly like them because too much of the same wouldn't bring out the best out of them. A couple of opposites may not be able to change the other but instead always compliment each other- love and understanding  being the glue that keeps them together for life. 

WHY THE GENDER BIAS IN ADULTERY?

  

Somehow or the other, one half of a couple strays and has an affair. When caught, the usual words of defence are "It didn't mean anything." Two results, either the wounded party either ends the marriage due to breach of trust or all if forgiven (usually with a certain amount of difficulty and it's more about forgiving than actually forgetting because during a likely future argument, it's bound to be used to rub the cheater's face ) or filing for a divorce. 

In this country when a man gets caught having an affair, there would be a buzz but he wouldn't exactly be condemned, oh no. The woman would turn a blind eye because she doesn't want to start over or a family meeting will be held... where she would be persuaded and advised to give her husband another chance. After all, men are men and the children must not suffer from a broken home. Then how come a woman is caught cheating, she is condemned and called everything from a harlot to a slut? Why is she more of the sinner, more than the men? Adultery is Adultery and no matter the gender; the person has done a bad thing. 

I’m not going to go into the reasons why there are cheating husbands and cheating wives, it’s the way society handles it that bothers me. Society is more judgemental towards the woman than the guy, like it’s the husband’s privilege to have a mistress but more than ready to stone the woman with insults. Like I said earlier, the guys always get away with what they do, even after they get caught. In most cases, after the mistress winds up pregnant, the family intervenes and the wronged woman is presented with her ‘junior wife. In other cases, if a guy happens to bang someone else’s wife, the wife protects him rather than tell on him because for sure her husband will get a real beating from the man he made a cuckold and it’s more about preventing her children from being fatherless than actual loyalty from him. It’s not like he deserves it anyway.

But a cheating wife is made a pariah. She’s a prostitute, a harlot and a slut. She’s prosecuted by the family and sent packing and for a very long time, she’s publicly gossiped about, more than a cheating husband. She is not protected nor shown any loyalty, she would probably be cursed.

Most countries are male dominated, like Nigeria. When it comes to something like adultery, the men are well protected because... well, because they are men after all. Women are not because they are the second class gender, they are expected to be the epitome of virtue and patience and being otherwise reduces them to be lower than the dust. A cheating husband should get as much judgement like a cheating wife would and his act not to be taken lightly and he should not be allowed to get away with it. If society would condemn a cheating wife, then the cheating husband should be treated that way. While cheating wives are called names like 'tramp', 'slut' or 'ashewo', what are the cheating husbands usually called... 'dogs'? Ironically, it sounds more like a compliment than an actual insult.

Seriously, am I the only one who thinks than when it comes to marital cheating, the guy gets off lightly? 

BEING STRESS FREE: POSSIBLE?

*First, my sincere and heartfelt apologises to my visitors for the long gap between updates. I am currently unemployed hence unable to afford regular internet, so please bear with me*

"STRESS IS AN IGNORANT STATE. IT BELIEVES THAT EVERYTHING IS AN EMERGENCY. NOTHING IS THAT IMPORTANT" - Natalie Goldberg


No matter how we keep believing that, there is no way we can escape getting stressed out on several occasions. I should know; worry and anxiety over my writing, finding work, battling with my part time studies and lords knows what ends up with me feeling ill- pains on the back of my neck, stomach aches, a few panic attacks and don't get me started on the hideous migraines. I'm too lazy to learn yoga so these days I rely on herbal tea to ease the stress. It's a lot better than two years back- I was so stressed and depressed that, to my horror- I lost half of my hair. I didn't even know until I went to get my hair washed and my hair dresser was like, 'Amina, have you been thinking too much?' 
There is always something to worry about, sorry to say. We humans just can't help it- especially in the workplace. One puts in their best at the job then it comes the time when they are given a lot to do (more than they can handle but too proud to say so), when they are told they are not doing enough hence do too much or the meaner bosses who make them feel after everything, there's still something lacking! The brain gets the biggest hit, one would feel rather disoriented and unable to function properly for a while and it leads to fatigue and early aging.
There are other reasons outside the workplace; personal problems, worry about money, worry about security, pressure from family members- the list is endless as anything or anyone could be a stressor.
Of course there are ways of treating it, proper ways of course like lying down and listening to slow music, yoga (which is pretty much non existent here in Nigeria), exercise, taking up a relaxing hobby.  I do all I can to reduce any form of anxiety but afterwards it's back to square one.
Just how can one be absolutely free from Stress? Is it even possible to be free of it?

WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME FOR "THE TALK"?

 

Sooner or later, children will discover sex; it's inevitable. In more developed countries like America; teenagers are enlightened about 'the birds and the bees' via Sex Education in their schools; which is actually a good idea but a double edged sword depending on how one sees it. On one hand, they are educated about what goes on between a man and a woman, how babies are conceived and the consequences of unsafe sexual practices-Unwanted/Unplanned Pregnancy, STD(Sexually Transmitted Diseases)  and the importance of abstinence until the right time. On the other hand, despite warnings and advice- some teenagers may indulge out of curiosity, defiance or just youthful exuberance/raging hormones. All the same, Sex Education covers all the bases. 

In a country like  Nigeria, no such luxury exists in the schools yet though there are now petitions from several notable bodies  demanding for the addition of Sex Education in the curriculum. Most Nigerian parents tend to be tight lipped and put  on a prudish attitude  when their teenagers ask the inevitable question 'Mum... Dad... what is Sex?' When that question is unanswered and they are given a reprimand instead, they(girls especially) end up asking the wrong person like maybe a male neighour, a male teacher or a male friend and if the person happens to be a horny irresponsible fellow; the girl could end up raped and then forced to carry an unplanned pregnancy or worse. Who is to be blamed then? 

Personally I never got 'the talk' from my parents; I found out on my own when I was a little girl of about 7 (shocking enough). Despite Mum's efforts, I somehow found myself watching romance films on T.V where I would be wondering why a man and woman held each other so close under the sheets. But my education really began when my older brother's friends came to visit one day and slotted in a tape in the VCR which turned out to be a porno film. To say I was shocked was an understatement; till today I can still remember what I saw and the first thought in my mind that afternoon, 'Oh... so that's what goes on under the bedsheets.' (Don't judge the guys too harshly, they had no idea I was in the room) Lurid Magazines, Mills & Boon and Biology covered the rest 7 years later.

 From my research among several female friends, I gathered that none of them got 'the talk' from their parents. Some found out on their own from different sources but not as early as I did; some  were reprimanded when they asked for sex to be explained to them and the others never thought about asking/parents never volunteered to enlighten them. I don't know how it was handled during my Mum's time; she went to Convent School where, according to her, the nuns were extremely strict (mere crossing of the legs when sitting down got them into trouble) but I strongly suspect that she and the other school girls were given the talk in the guise of a long, lengthy lecture about the sin of premarital sex; which probably gave them the shivers and caused them to maintain complete abstinence until the 'licence' (wedding ring) was on their finger.

Until Sex Education is added to the curriculum, parents have to play a huge part in enlightening their children about Sex in order to prevent them from discovering it the hard way and suffering the consequences. For the boys, Fathers' job; Girls, Mothers' job naturally and both parties should not even wait for them to ask! The time for 'the talk' is of course the time of Puberty, age 12-14 at the most; when their sons and daughters' bodies begin to change and hormones start acting funny. There is no room for prim and proper or prudish attitude; they should get on with it and the sooner the better  if they care about  safe guarding  their children's bright future and protect them from going astray. 

 So which way is the best way  for children to be enlightened about sex; Formal Sex Education or from the parents?

VAMPIRES

Ghosts are one thing, but there are the 'undead' entities known for suckling blood from  unfortunate victims in lieu of food to stay alive and forever doomed to stay out of the sun and roam only at night or they would burst to flames and have the power of transforming into bats.

I think the myth of  vampires evolved from vampire bats' habit of sucking the blood of their prey(mostly mammals but sometimes humans too), their devilish, ugly appearances and the fact that they hunt only when it is fully dark. Like cats, vampire bats are viewed with superstition and some how or the other, vampires found their way into myths and folklore. One early mythical theory was that vampires were corpses possessed or resurrected by an evil spirit. The main myth these days is that a person becomes a vampire after being bitten by one and as they do no not really belong to the earth or the afterlife; they have no souls, they cannot die yet they have eternal life (which disables them from aging any further) and the only that could sustain them is human blood; hence the state of being 'undead'. The only way one is shielded from a vampire, the saying goes, is if a vampire is exposed to garlic, fire or a crucifix.
African and European countries were full of such myths and superstitions and then in 1897, Irish author Bram Stoker began the modern vampire fiction with his most notable work, Dracula; about a Transylvania noble who turned out to be a vampire seeking world domination and over the years many movie adaptations of this story followed and new vampire characters created.
 My first sight of a vampire on television was Count Dracula  portrayed by British actor Christopher Lee (below; at the time I hadn't heard of Bela Lugosi). I was about 7 years old and more squeamish about horror movies than I am now. What I saw at first was CL in a formal suit and cape and slicked back hair, next thing I knew I was screaming at the sight of  his red eyes

and fangs as he sucked blood from his victim's neck. Several years passed before I summoned up courage to watch it in full and buy the actual book!

 Thanks to vampire shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, The Vampire Diaries,True Blood; films like Twilight and Fright Night, vampires are pretty much popular in the media today. But is the old superstition there- are they real and hiding in the shadows and do the people who watch such believe they do exist or they are just merely being entertained?
No body wants to die but death is inevitable to all. But would a person terrified of death prefer to have eternal life by taking blood of others  as its soul energy sources  if actually being offered the option- hypothetically speaking ? I sincerely doubt it; for a person to roam the earth for hundreds of years lurking in the shadows and preying on the innocent for blood to live, that sort of eternal life can be nothing but described as a curse and living in damnation.

DO GHOSTS EXIST?

What are ghosts really? True souls of the dead,  unearthly entities, figments of the imagination or mere myth? Many people seem inclined to dismiss them as 'stuff & nonsense' yet most religious people believe in life after death.(Except Buddhism, Buddhists believe in reincarnation)
I am a Muslim and according to Islamic teachings, ghosts don't  exist. But then, what do dogs howl at very late in the night? After all, animals see what we humans don't! In Islam, there are spiritual creatures that exist but are invisible to the human eye and made from smokeless & scorching fire. Instead of ghosts, they are known as Jinn and they can either be good or evil and can influence humans. By influence, I guess that just might mean 'possess'.
But the general conception of Ghosts, Phantoms & Spectres is that they are souls of the dead who wander the earth  because of the manner of their death (usually murder or a ghastly accident)  and they have unfinished business. This has been influenced by movies like the 1990 film GHOST and classical literature like Shakspeare's Macbeth & Hamlet and Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Ghosts of the murdered usually tormented their murderers until they publicly confess their crime,  punishing  them by driving them to suicide or somehow even the score by killing them directly by literally scaring them to death. And there are the ones who stay because they need to watch over troubled loved ones until they have sorted out their problems for them.

Years ago, when I was a student at the Federal College of Education here in Nigeria; I came across this book in the school library; World Famous Ghosts by Nigel Blundell and Roger Boar. Through this book, I first heard of the haunted AMITYVILLE HOUSE  (above) and read many bizarre  ghost based stories which apparently are not fiction. On my first teaching job, I narrated some of the stories to my colleagues and they got very scared (we Africans are a tad superstitious); pleading that I stopped. I don't know if they actually believed the stories or they just reacted out of mere fright at the chilly nature of each tale but I have to admit that I wasn't just scared- I wondered more than once if the vengeful entities described  were actually ghosts or malevolent Jinn. One particular story gave me the very chills...

Fanchon Moncare, real name Estelle Ridley; a jewel thief  who usually posed as a little girl and kept her stolen loot in a china doll was squealed on by a woman vying with her over the same man. Thanks to Madga Hamilton, Ms Fanchon was sentenced to life imprisonment because of her long criminal record and she publicly screamed at Madga who was stupid enough to be present in court that she would get even with her in the worst possible way.
What happened next? Some time later, one night, Madga woke up to find a rather deformed Fanchon in her room holding her china doll and she had to lock herself in the bathroom. But when she confronted the police about not telling her that Fanchon had escaped, she was informed that Fanchon committed suicide in prison!
Magda decided to flee to Europe, the threat obviously heavy on her mind and prepared for the trip. But the following morning, she was found dead in her bed and the strange part was, it was as if something was forcibly rammed down her throat as her throat membrane was ruptured, causing her to drown in her own blood. The said thing was not found but in her mouth, strands of hair was found- not the hairs of a human being but  the type on the heads of  china dolls. *Shiver*

And there was a story acted out in a show I enjoyed very much- Beyond Belief; Fact or Fiction. A woman who recently had an eye transplant after being blind for some years decided to take a vacation to celebrate her restored sight. At a cafe, she happened to see a sullen looking man having a drink. She knew very well he was a stranger and she'd never met him before or know him but he was oddly familiar to her. She was not sure if it was a sense of deja vu; but he seemed liked she'd seen him before. The man, who turned out to be a wanted criminal, misinterpreted her curious stare and followed her to her motel, demanding to know if she was a cop. She denied it but he didn't listen; he tied her up and began to drink himself into a stupor. When he fell asleep, the woman untied herself and ran away; calling the police. The police officers, after making the arrest, told her to count herself lucky as the man was wanted for killing a nurse. When the woman heard the late nurse's name; she could only stare at the policeman in shock. Her new eyes from her recent eye transplant were  eyes taken from  a dead donor, and  the dead donor was the nurse that man had killed.
And worse, at the end of the show; the host Jonathan Frakes announced to the viewers that the particular story was true!
How does one explain that? Eyes' nerves are connected to the brain; was it possible that the eyes somehow placed the nurse's last memory into its new brain which in turn made that woman indirectly expose the killer? Or was it the work of a benevolent Jinn? What's the real explanation?
There are many secrets of the universe we are yet to know or rather, we are not meant to know. To ponder too much on them gives room to paranoia and living in fear all the time. But since there is an after life and there are many schools of thoughts about ghosts, do Ghosts truly exist?

Does the Zodiac REALLY tell us who we are?

I do not believe in Horoscopes... not just because of my religion but I always get the feeling they are expressively put there only to tell us what we want to hear.

The Zodiac is a total puzzle. According to its character profile; as a typical Libra I am romantic but particular, diplomatic but indecisive, ultimately happiest when in love, in reality I don't like being alone, I hate conflicts, will do absolutely anything to avoid confrontations  and  possess a high developed sense of objectivity and conflict resolution.  Except for the part of being in love (I haven’t been in love for years), the rest... all true.

After getting over the shock, I urged my colleagues to tell me their birth dates to get their Zodiac signs and read them their character profiles; all turned out accurate- a friend who’s a Scorpio admitted she does find it difficult to forgive when offended, a Scorpio trait. After that day, my fascination with the Zodiac was born.

Then I came across an article in an old copy of Marie Claire- the topic “How to Spot a Bastard” by using his Zodiac sign. Hear this, ladies...

 The Taurus Man... In a nut shell, he thinks he knows what’s good for you, a.k.a he’s arrogant and bossy.  

The Cancer Man, don’t ask what’s wrong with him, he’ll only say “nothing.” This means he is moody.

 The Scorpio Man will manipulate you until you become exactly what he wants you to be- which means he’s a tyrant. The Aries Man yearns for the time when men were men and women were grateful; a chauvinist. The Leo Man- you are so blessed to have such a special man... at least that’s what he’ll tell you; a conceited  egomaniac. The Libra Man (most disturbing to me) always gets his own way; stubborn and unbending.  Ugh... talk about North and North poles repel rather than attract! But there was a few that were more promising, like the Capricorn Man who is hardworking, ambitious and takes everything seriously.

Speaking of taking things seriously... while I was reluctant to believe in the accuracy of the Zodiac, I was a little freaked out at the way it listed out my traits that way, especially the ones I didn't know I had in the first place, it’s was like I didn't know the actual me until astrology pointed it out. Aren't we in a position to know all our traits; positive or negative? 

Or the real question is, does the Zodiac dictate our personalities or we humans form our personalities ourselves? If it's the second, how? Genes or experience? Or for real... the Zodiac is more than meets the scornful eye???