Saturday, October 11, 2014

FORGIVENESS; WHAT ABOUT FORGETTING?







To err is human; to forgive divine...

A much quoted sentence by millions. We are human; we make mistakes, we sin, we hurt others- deliberately and unknowingly. And when the remorse kicks in, we seek forgiveness. Some sins are hard to forgive, the wounds inflicted too close to the bone that the act of forgiveness is very hard or impossible. Still forgiveness is a pathway to closure and healing and it is widely preached that if God can forgive us; why can't we do the same among ourselves? 
But forgiveness is one thing... what about forgetting? "Forgive and Forget"- does they actually go together or two separate actions because the way I see it, forgetting is harder than forgiveness itself. And if one is unable to forget... is the certain act of forgiveness real? 
I think it depends on the wrong doing/sin/mistake/betrayal committed or the gravity of the wrong act/sin itself. Some wounds, like I said early, run too deep and close to the bone, some sins and wrong acts too hard to forgive and get past. But even if forgiveness is possible in cases like that; forgetting would be near to impossible.
Another case would be the relationship between the wrong doer and the victim. In African culture, it's almost unheard off for parents to apologise to their children for acts of verbal and physical abuse and for the children to hold grudges- that is  seen as an act of disrespect and they are expected to 'automatically' forgive their parents and move on. But it's not likely they will forget, because when they become adults and parents themselves; they wouldn't want to inflict what they went through on their own kids. 
And there the case of a sibling backstabbing a sibling, a friend backstabbing a friend, or a spouse betraying a spouse. A wrong act or betrayal  from someone close to you is the worst type of hurt because usually it's not foreseen or expected. How easy is it to forgive in this case? It would be hard but gradually out of love and if there is a genuine show of remorse from the guilty party, forgiveness is easy. But there would come a time when there would be a fight and the old wound would resurface when the victim throws the past wrong action at the wrong doer's face. So NO... in most cases, Forgiveness and Forgetting do not go together. However at the same time, forgetting is necessary. NOT forgetting festers old wounds and eat into the soul and causes lasting bitterness and resentment.
 The victim will always remember, hence unable to really heal. A person who is able to both forgive and forget does so merely to be able to completely  remove all wounds from the heart in order to live life to the fullness, with the knowledge he or she did the right thing. 




4 comments:

  1. Forgiveness Yes bcos Alllah wants us to and the pains lessen with time.
    Forgetting may not be easy bcos it is an experience you want to learn from.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. See the link below for more info.


    #forgiveness
    www.ufgop.org

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