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Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Single ladies put a ring on it... or not for now

Image courtesy of  Salvatore Vuono at

Where I come from, a single woman past her 30's is considered old and the general whisper behind her back would be, 'what the hell is she still waiting for?' among family members and insensitive friends and acquaintances. Do they bother finding out the real reason? NO; they stick to making stupid assumptions and go along with it- the thought there might be a reason to the lady's prolonged single status, a reason that lies deep in the bone. One general  assumption of the single woman  who lives alone in Nigeria is that she is a slut, an easy, indecent female- so suffice to say; Independent single women shouldn't exist- it is a must that when they leave their parents' house it is straight to their husbands' house. Independent bachelors on the other hand are more acceptable.
 But lets get back  to the reasons why the average Nigerian woman takes a while to settle down; the real reasons that is.

1. After years of being told what to do and always doing what people expect of her and NEVER what she wants suddenly decides she wants her own life for once; doing what she wants, WHEN she wants; the chance to finally achieve her dreams, hopes and aspirations before settling down.

2. She's been a silent observer of marriages of friends and loved ones crashing (adultery, jealousy, third party interference- 3rd one usually the case) in front of her so she is disillusioned and wants no part of it.

3. She's been once bitten, twice shy by several unhappy relationships and finally decides all men are untrustworthy  pigs.

4. She's been over protected and sheltered as a child. When she finally notices men; she continuously feels a sense of terror when a man shows interest in her. She feels cornered the whole time he's talking to her and inwardly wishes he'll go away. Like the bossed around one, she just wants to depend on herself and sees men as menacing intruders and is scared of getting hurt by them, especially if she hasn't seen him angry before.

Even with those reasons, single women passed their 30's are unfairly judged; they are simply expected to conform with society and their families' expectations... marry, bring forth children. From what I've seen, people of this country don't look at nor care about  emotional feelings; why people are the way they are. Call me embittered but it's true- as I am a single woman myself and the general assumption is that my standards are high; I'm looking for the perfect man- so perfect that I would probably have to build him.  No finding out the real reason- just assumptions!!!

"Stand up for what is right even if you stand alone." -Anonymous

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