Sunday, December 04, 2011

Parents VS Children

A friend of mine came to see me one day with a grievance. Apparently; she'd been badmouthed to a family friend who accused her of being stingy. She immediately denied it of course but it only gave the woman the green light to pour out the list of 'stingy' crimes, all of which happened years back by the way. And not only did her accuser denied her the opportunity to defend herself or say she wasn't that person any more (something I can personally testify to if I was called) but she was told that the person who'd badmouthed her in the first place... was her own mother.
'I'm never, ever going to be a good child in her eyes.' was the bitter conclusion. 'I try and try and this is what I get. She hates it when one of us refers to the past and preaches to us about forgiving and forgetting. If she can't do the same, what's the point of cancelling out something bad you did in the past?'
What does one call this; injustice, backstabbing...hypocrisy? We're supposed to learn from our parents' example and teachings but this sort of thing is one of the reasons why why parents communicate lesser with their children and the rapport they'd shared with them during their toddler, preteen days fades away for good. They either think they know their children and form a rigid opinion about them or they go about deliberately hurting their feelings with the misguided thought they're correcting them. Also, they tend to expect too much from their children; either comparing them with other children or determined to mold them into  the children they WANT them to be ; so they shouldn't complain when the children eventually stop talking to them.
Parents, whether they mean to or not, alienate their children at some point; mostly through unfair criticism and thrashing them to their so called friends and accuse  them of disrespect when the defendants attempt to defend themselves and the worse part of it all; they will never admit they are wrong when they hear the true story. So based on that; I  call it injustice. If they want to keep their children's love; they should SHOW love instead of doing their best to lose it forever.

"One who is injured ought not to return the injury; for on no account  can it be right to do an injustice."-SOCRATES

2 comments:

  1. True. Parenting is a sensitive issue that one must be careful the way you utilize it because it goes a long way in determining the outcome of the relationship between the child and the parent. At the same time it's a two way thing; like all relationships it needs the devotion and understanding of both parties.

    Basically I think the problem in our part of the world is that most parent correct by criticizing and they think it's the best way because they don't know any other way to go about it; that was how they were also brought up.

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  2. Adelani Adams says-
    I loved my parents very much because they treted as friends and I tried to the same for my children There is onething I demand from them the TRUTH and I treat whatever I hear from them as the truth Parenting is like friendship You must invest in it you must show caring affection Build trust Be Patient and show support to your family It very important that you build cordial relationship by consulting with your parents before takeng decisionS and affords WORDS like YOU CANT UNDERSTAND OR THAT IS YOUR TIME I OFTEN LABEL PARENTING AS INVESTMENT WITHOUT PROFIT There is one thing i can assure my children and that is I will always be there for them.

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